The relationship is a great place to feel loved, seen, valued. It is also a great place for practicing kindness and generosity. Every relationship is a mirror that shows you who you are in every interaction. And if you have a great relationship it can be a great source of power and inspiration.
But the relationship only exists when two people commit to it. When two people invest in it. When two people know that it has ups and downs and are willing to sit together shoulder to shoulder and to look at this flow, celebrate its life, stay in dialog and connection even when it goes down.
Because it will go down.
There will be problems.
When there is a problem, you have three options:
Option 1: acknowledge the problem, sit together shoulder to shoulder, face the problem and talk about it with an open heart, hear the other and find the place where you can go from here.
Option 2: Acknowledge the problem, take your side, put the problem between you and defend your side of the situation to get what you want.
Option 3: Ignore the problem and hope that it goes away.
With option 3 the problem might go away with the relationship itself. The intimacy will be taken out of the situation, where will be the relation?
Option 2 will probably create aggression and can only end with a win-lose which is a terrible idea for a relationship if you want to keep it.
You knew it from the beginning, it is the Option 1 that is good for the individuals and the relationship. Having problems can actually be great opportunities to discover more about each other and connect in a deeper level – if you are willing to face them together and be open.
We are social animals, we long for connection, and we find the real connection in our relationships. They can be at work, in our friends circle, in our family and with our loved one. We have the possibility to create real connection when we acknowledge it as a real relationship.
Maybe tomorrow when you have a disagreement with your colleague, or you are annoyed by a remark by your manager, you will remember that this is (or can be ) a relationship and you invite them to sit together with you, next to you so you can look at the situation together, shoulder to shoulder.