How to change from your expert job that kills you slowly every day to a work you love?
You are stuck… There is nowhere to go.
Such a boredom… without an end…
This is how it feels to do a job you are expert in but don’t like…
Your salary is good, you have great colleagues…so you don’t die, but you barely live with life support…You don’t care about improving your work, the feedbacks you get do not matter, you just want to finish your work for the day and go home. But the work doesn’t finish.
How could it? The resistance inside holds you so tight that you cannot move. Because deep down inside, you know that doing this work does not do you good.
But you are a good boy/girl. You want to behave properly. You know you have to do your work well as long as you work there and you don’t want to do injustice to the people paying you. But you also don’t want to do the work. Only if you could tell them and they would not give you any more work… You feel like a liar for not telling it. People are trusting you, but on your mind, you have already quit.
In reality, you cannot.
But what could you possibly do? You have done this job for so long. Anyone that looks at your CV would see that you are the expert of this. Why should anyone consider you for another kind of job? Could you possibly find a better job than this one? And if you do, what if it ends up the same?
You don’t want to do anything right now…
What if you just leave everything behind?
Or maybe you win the lottery or something so that you don’t have to work anymore…
How will all these work out in the end?
Dear friend, I get you because I have also had similar experiences. I was terribly depressed at my first job. I went to a doctor, told my story and left with an antidepressant. But soon I understood that there was nothing wrong with me. It was wrong to insist in something I did not want to do and to believe that there was no way out.
But is it so? Is there really no way out?
Sometimes we squeeze ourselves in tiny boxes and we cannot see, hear or feel anything.
We stay in little dark rooms and see the world through a peephole from where we sit. We’ve forgotten to open the door and go out or turn on the lights and have a look inside the room because we have got used to the darkness.
Now I will tell you how I got out of darkness. Maybe it can also help you.
10 steps that bring you from a job that kills you slowly to a work that you love
1. Become functional
If you cannot sleep, cannot eat or you eat too much, drink too much, sleep too much; if you are always tired, unhappy; if you cry all the time, if you have changed a lot, you might need some help. It is a good idea to get psychological help.
You can only change something when you fully function. Because you need all your power and potential.
2. Gain your power and energy back
Do sports, run, sweat.
Add things you love doing to your life, do more of them.
Help someone, spend time with your family.
Spend time with animals, spend time in nature, travel.
Visit street markets, watch people passing by, write, draw, fight, make love.
3. Focus on the goodness in your life
You’ve probably heard this a thousand times but it works! Where focus goes, energy flows.
What do you have in your life to be grateful for? People you love, being able to feel love, breathing, eating and enjoying food…When you feel bad, negative, pessimistic or lonely, think about all those good things you have in your life, things you are grateful for. Don’t be stingy, big or small anything counts. You can write them down, you can voice them out, or you can call the people in your “I am grateful for” list and tell them you are grateful for them. As love multiplies in your life, you will feel better.
4. Change your circle to change your framework
Do you have people around you that do not understand how you feel? Not everyone gives the same value to work. Not everyone values honesty as you do. Many of us just do their work and go home without thinking about it. They do not try to create value. You, on the other hand, want to make a difference for the world and yourself. You look for meaning. It is normal that they do not get you. Sometimes, the people you love also will not get you. Because they will be “caring about you”. They will say “You have a great job with a great salary. How can you throw it all away?”. They will say “How could you just dive into uncertainty?”. They will try to protect you (as if you cannot protect yourself.). Thank them for their concern but do not let your mind get lost in a fog.
You need wide spaces for your mind to get clear. These spaces will enable you to be understood, to be heard, to ask questions, to come up with answers, sometimes to be dragged along with a flow, then to make your own wave and arrive in the end. And believe me, once you get the clarity you will be flowing.
And during the moments of the clarity, you need clean vessels and pools. Find places that let you speak as much as you want, be silent when you like to, let you scream and shout, be afraid, fall down and get up. There are such places. There are other people who need these places. These people are your mosque and church my friend. Visit regularly. Show up!
I found my support group at Live Your Legend. I asked questions, found answers, found my path, met other people on my path, made friends, compatriots. You too can find your group. If you cannot, you can create your own group.
5. Get coaching
Coaching has helped me a lot, it still does.
With coaching you flow along, you widen yourself, tighten yourself and finally find your own flow.
Remember the dark room where you sat and looked through a peephole? With coaching, you turn the light on and look inside. You touch every single thing one by one and sense them. You evaluate if you need them or not. You realize why you chose to sit there on this chair in the dark.
You realize your choices. You realize that you live the consequences of your choices. You realize that you get to make new choices.
You define how you see the outside world from the peephole and how you feel about that. You see your reflection in the mirror. You see yourself, this person who sits in the dark, from outside. While looking, you also see the outside. You see interiors of the room from outside. Maybe you decide that you don’t want to enter the room again, or maybe you see that the room looks so much better in the light and you decide to take another position inside. But in any way, you move. You take on responsibility. You take action. You feel, you sense, you change and you feel alive. The meaning you have been looking for is back and you feel good.
6. Follow the signs and find the work you love
Maybe you don’t know what other work you can do at the moment. Once you start moving and walking on your path, your senses will get sharper. You will get some signs, follow those signs.
Talking about which topic makes your eyes shine, your heart beat faster and butterflies fly in your belly?
At which professionals do you get angry and say “it’s not the way to do this work!
In which topics can you not withhold your opinion even if it wasn’t asked?
Whose job would you love to do?
The work you love, the work you’re longing for is somewhere there… It is not hidden, it is clear as day but is symbolized with a sign language. It has been waiting for you to learn the signs.
Follow the signs and find the work you love. Once you find it, give yourself permission to discover more and make experiments.
7. Believe in yourself
The only resource you fully own in this world is you: your body, your soul, your mind. Doubting yourself means blocking your resources. Continue to doubt yourself, you will look for evidence to prove the doubts and you will find them.
But you want to do the work you love, the meaningful work. For this, you need to use your powers fully.
I’ve never doubted myself again after I understood this: Everything I’ve done so far was the best choice for myself.
Whatever you’ve decided, you’ve decided because you thought and felt it would be the best for you. Even the things you now think as harmful had a certain benefit, otherwise you wouldn’t have done them. Just know that.
Whatever you decide now is the best thing for you. Decide and finish. Be sure that you decided for the best.
8. Know and show yourself
Dear friend, I assume you are used to keeping an account of your failures. Let’s turn this around. Start taking account of your successes! Your powers and your values are to be found under your successes. When I say success, I don’t mean a success like getting an A in an exam or getting a promotion. I mean your own definition of success, the one where you feel excited, happy and proud of yourself for having done it.
Look back in your life.
What are your biggest successes? What did you do to achieve these results? Who are you who achieved these results?
What is important for you in this life?
Who are you?
The more answers you have to these questions, the closer you will see who you are and the more you will love yourself.
Make who you are, what you do and your successes visible.
This will not only give you motivation and make you do more of what you are good at but also make you interesting to people with whom you would like to work with.
9. Put yourself out there and ask
The biggest successes of my life have been possible with the support of other people. I got this support because I asked for it. I determined what I needed, told people around me so that I could reach to the people who supported me.
Don’t hesitate to ask. If by doing something simple you could help someone else, would you not gladly do it? Most people do and feel good about themselves because they could help.
What you ask for could match with what someone is looking for. You can only find each other if you ask.
Once you put yourself in for a work and express that, the number of people that could help you on this path will increase and you will get what you want.
Just be clear about what you want, make it known and show yourself.
Most of the people who would like to help, who need your presence and your help don’t know that you are out there somewhere.
Meet people, tell your story, write, draw, tell in social media, Show yourself. I guarantee you, you will get what you want.
10. Do what you love no matter what
If you found the work of your dreams, roll with it.
You don’t need anyone’s permission.
Just do it.
You want to be a writer? Write. Open a blog, write. Write to online magazines. Write on Medium. Answer the questions on Quora. Write letters to the writers you love. Write a special card for your friend’s birthday. Write.
And share what you write.
The more you do the work, the better you will get, the more you share your work, the more known you will be. Although your education or your past work experience were in another field, your work will show that you can do this.
What obstacles do you have to start doing the work you love?
Come on, you can always earn your living. You can work as a cashier, work at a cafe, work in a day job where you can use your strengths and the work comes easy to you. You figure it out. Maybe your life standard changes, maybe you move to a smaller apartment or sell your car but your life energy increases. Your capacity to love increases. Your belief in yourself increases. Your creativity increases.
You do not have to earn a living with the work you love. You can continue working at another job but you don’t have to define yourself with this job. You can define yourself however you want.
How do you want to live? Who do you want to be? What do you want to create? What kind of lie enables you to create? It is in your hands to preserve your creativity, potential and capacity to create.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the famous book Eat Pray Love had worked in cafes and restaurants till her 3rd book got published because she did want her passion of writing to carry the burden of earning money.
How can you protect your passion? It is in your hands to organise your life accordingly.
The 10 steps above brought me to the life I’m leading right now where I feel alive, loving, creative and hopeful.
Remember, whatever you do, you always have a choice. You currently choose where you want to be. You can choose to take a step and walk forward to a life you love.
Are you ready to take a step? From which step will you start?